The 4 Theories

      With every passing year there are theories that are constantly being brought forth and are being discussed about families. These theories tend to deal with the relationships inside the family, and how they really influence the family as a whole. I hope to talk about them and try to give some form of knowledge for you to see them in your own family. Hopefully it helps to see some theories that surround family life and relationships in them.
      In the family, there are family members; each member can be affected by different circumstances. The Systems Theory talks about how individuals cannot be understood in isolation, but rather as a whole part of a family. Families are a connected group of interdependent people. This means that those in a family are dependent on each other. With everyone in a group they are all affected by the  different choices and decisions made by each member. When we recognize this theory in our family we start to see the whole is greater than the sum of all the parts. Here's an example. Say that there is a family of just a father, mother, and one child. Instead of seeing just one form of relationships, we see that there are in fact 4 forms of relationships. The mom and the father. The mother and the child. The father and the child, and then all of them together as one, the mother, father, and child. We see that you cannot take away one from the other, and that each person with each relationship has a role to a rule. If you look at your family, you can see that each member has a different role. Most of the time I feel like my role is that of a court jester. I make my family laugh and pretty much entertain them. They shouldn't even really have to watch TV, but please take this observation into consideration. Hopefully it helps my thoughts connect.
     A family is seen walking through Wal-Mart. You see a mother pushing the cart and doing all of the shopping. The husband is behind her with the three children trying to herd them like chickens to stay with their mom. Every time one of them tries to go astray into a random isle, the father gently brings them back into the group and they continue on following mom where ever she goes. 
     What role do you see this father having? Is he the one that cleans up after dinner? Is he the one that cleans the house? Maybe he believes his role is to follow his wife and make sure that everyone is there with her. Whichever role it is, he has one. It could be he saw his role of a father was to guide and protect his children, and to keep them on the straight and narrow path. We all have a role, and I would encourage you to look and see what your role is; how do you affect your family system? Is it for better or is it for worse?
   Now the next few theories might seem a little bit shorter but thats because they are a little more to the point. In a family, there is what's called the Exchange Theory. No, this is not about who can give the better gift, or best gift. Its about how each person differs in what they see as rewarding. What one may see as rewarding and worth the investment, another can see it in the way that they didn't receive everything that they should have from the experience. An example of such happened today. My friend Nick today took a brush and cleaned all the snow off my car. When I asked him why he did it, he replied "I love serving". Talking about this experience with another student he expressed that he wouldn't find it worth his time to clean off someone else's car. What Nick found rewarding and worth his investment, was not rewarding or worth it to the other student. In families, siblings can find different things as rewarding, and others not rewarding. Think of an older brother and younger brother. What one of them finds worth their time either via through sports, school, or even relationships, the other might be the opposite. Knowing this, we are able to see what is rewarding to our different family members, and then realize what is important to them. We will grow a desire to serve them and to help them achieve what is rewarding to them. In turn they will do the same. We allow ourselves to be an ally to their happiness. That would be so easy in a perfect world right? If everyone just helped everyone into eternal happiness, but thats not the case. There are different things that can make that very difficult. 
   One of the most common theories in a family is whats called The Conflict Theory. I believe this theory is something that so many families complain about. I mean this in the sense that they single out one member with this problem. The Conflict Theory is when a person sees that they are greater than others. They have greater knowledge, strength, and anything else that they see that can hold them above the rest. It describes that whoever has the most power should and has the most influence. 
This is me and my brother. We both know a lot of information about different topics, and it seems when we are together we use that information to try to top one another with who is right. This leaves me saying he's to prideful to listen to anyone else, because he thinks he always is right and everyone should realize that he is. The mentality that no one can tell him differently because he's right. I haven't had this conversation with him, but I would guarantee he thinks the same about me. This is one reason we have conflict between the two of us. The constant battle between who is superior. The thing is, we both need to make that change to end that conflict. The Conflict Theory, if you let it, will always leave your family in a constant state of conflict. 
    With all these theories there is one that focuses more on the examples and symbols in actions of a person. The Symbolic Interaction Theory proves how we are shaped through symbolic interactions. We develop meanings through experiences from other's actions. For example lets say you constantly walk past the same person every week and wave your hand at him. After you wave he waves back. The symbol of waving has become a form of saying hi to one another. In a family, different symbols and actions means something. Each form of physical, emotional, and any other forms of attachments allow each individual to develop a different meaning to each. Think about what could be symbols in your family. What is naturally understood in your family? How do people in your family take these symbols, and how has it shaped them?
    

    I hope that as you read this you can start to see these at work in your home. I hope you can see the reward in understanding how each of these can affect the relationships that your family has and has the potential to have. Again if you have anything to say then please comment. I would love to hear your opinions and feelings on the topic that I am writing about. I enjoy hearing everyone's feelings and emotions about families. They are such an important role in our lives from early development to later in our years, each with a purpose to nurture and provide a safe haven for growth in each other. Love your family, understand your family, and most of all, believe in them. Believe that family and actually being a family is important. God bless.