Communication

Communicating in marriage is important. I would venture out to say that it is the most important thing a couple can do for each other. Yes, I do mean for each other. When couples communicate it allows both acting parities to see how much the person cares about them. When we take the time to listen, and have the willingness to understand one another, and how much we care shines from us. The stats on the ways people communicate are actually quite interesting.14% of normal communication comes from words, 35% of normal communication comes from the tone of your voice, and 51% comes from non-verbal communication. Our bodies can sometimes tell our emotions more than we can. Our behaviors, our movements, all can show different emotions that we are not saying out loud. For instance, you can say your fine, but while you are throwing your hands up in anger. Obviously, your actions are saying “I am not fine”, and what is not new knowledge is that, people notice it. It effects them. Our non-verbal cues can escalate situations more than words sometimes. This is why couples need to take the time to communicate with one another.

            So let us look at the way communication happens. First you have your thoughts/feelings, second you encode what you are going to say, third you decide how you are going to say it. After you have spoken, the other person then decodes what you have said, and develops their own thoughts and feelings on it. Then they go through the same process you did. As each person is conveying their thoughts and feelings, things can be misunderstood. This leads to miscommunication and eventually an argument. As a husband or wife, you need to let your spouse know that you don’t understand what they are trying to say, rather than saying “I understand” to get the argument to end. If we do that we are only hurting our relationships. As you put your feelings into words, you are showing commitment to the other person, and when you listen with empathy to them, you are showing commitment back. You are also showing commitment back as you let them know you don’t understand, because you let them know that “I want to understand, can you help me”. I believe so many divorces, and arguments would not happen, if couples would just be willing to communicate with each other. To set aside pride, and remember that this is the person I love, and they are hurting. We need to remember that. You love your spouse, so why would you want to let them hurt?

            Communicating also builds the relationship. We build a deeper compassion for our spouse, and a stronger connection. It also can do the opposite. What is interesting about communication is, you can never not communicate. We are always communicating with everyone we meet. There is always communication, no matter if its good, or bad miscommunication. We all still communicate no matter what. Something that can help with miscommunication, is forget yourself, and listen. Remember that grace should be present. You are not communicating to argue, but to make a difference in your relationship. Grace is something that is not earned, deserved, or paid for. It is freely given. Motivation for communicating should be based on resolving issues for the better, because we want them to be better. We want to have joy in our relationships, and it takes humility to do it.